If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
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Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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