Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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