walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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