so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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