I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
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I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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