it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize