I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
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You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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