Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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