What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a dumb baby whore.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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