My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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