I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize