let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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