Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I smell stomach acid.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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