I just made out with a guy for $7.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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