The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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