Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize