My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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