the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
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What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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