sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize