i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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