This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
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On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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