The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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