So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize