sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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