That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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