Can i not drive my cunt home
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Mom said you looked used
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize