Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize