so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
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Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Never underestimate the power of titties
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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