I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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