When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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