How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think my vagina is haunted
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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