you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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