so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
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I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
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downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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