great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
FUCK WHALES
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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