Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
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We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
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All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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