Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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