I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the condom got lost in my hair
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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