Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
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What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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