i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what day is it and did you see me today?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize