it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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