No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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