ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Buhtt sex?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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