When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
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So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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