so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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