so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
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Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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