I puked a lego.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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