My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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