We're like a lot better than the average bears
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
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I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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