I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize