i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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